Narcissism, Sex, and Gender Discrepancy
Everyone can agree that narcissism has a higher propensity towards abuse, physical violence, and overt tactics of domination. This doesn’t mean that a narcissist will be abusive, it just means they have a much higher likelihood of being abusive whether they are aware they are being abusive or not. There is a natural connection between narcissism and coercive sex. Men are frequently in the news or are part of some public trial due to coercively forcing sex with women and even minors. This is disgusting behavior and it is condemned by society as a whole. Men that force sex through coercion are parasites.
What I find interesting about this discussion is that there is a double standard when it comes to abuse. When men abuse women it takes no time at all for a public denouncement of that individual, and rightfully so. Women are celebrated for coming out with their brave story of survival and they are encouraged to find their voice to bring awareness to this subsurface disgusting behavior.
The interesting part of this for me is that the situation is completely reversed for men. Often times feminists will dismiss coercive sex as a problem for men as well by citing the endless documented cases of men having charges filed against them as the plethora of evidence to suggest that the problem is outlandishly out of control from the men and comparatively the women have barely anything filed against them.
Men are shamed, they are looked at as cowards, or weaklings, or like they are lesser men for having been through some type of coercive sex. They dare not bring it up to their family, they sure as hell won’t bring it up to their friends, and hell would freeze over before they would announce it publicly because it would be a mark of shame for that man.
In many instances, if a woman hits a man her friends will congratulate her on being tough and not taking any crap from her man. She put him in his place and stood up for herself. I have seen this multiple times, both men and women will congratulate that woman on being strong. Conversely, if a man so much as lays his hands on a woman in a non-sexual but unwanted contact - I’m not talking hitting here, I’m just saying standing in her way, or holding an arm so she can’t leave during a fight (which is completely wrong behavior) the man would be quickly shut down if other guys were there and witness him doing this. It’s a big contrast in abusive treatment where one is celebrated and the other is corrected to the extreme at times.
The point of bringing this topic up is that there have been a ton of studies around narcissism and coercive sex that strangely have not brought to light the perspective of the man when the female coerces him into sex. There have been over 200 studies done around narcissism and coercive sex that were focused solely on men and recently, with a new perspective on these studies one can see that the frequency of coercive sex between male and female and vice versa proportionally are about equal. [1] The fact that narcissism seems to effect men more than women attribute to the cloudiness. [2]
What the studies did find however which marked a discrepancy in genders was the attitude and driver of the desire behind the coercive sex. First, its mainly women that were sexually abused that predicted sexual coercion and it was more around a difficulty in controlling the strong urges. Conversely with men it was about dominance and control. A phenomena particularly akin to narcissists is when they are rejected for their sexual advances it can create a narcissistic injury and the desire to coercively dominate the woman. [3]
Narcissism is directly correlated with sexual coercion in both sexes and there is symmetry in the frequency of these instances between the genders, while the driving trigger is different for men and women the underlying narcissism is largely the root of the action. This is not to say that all narcissists engage in coercive sex however. A large proportion of them would not dare do something like that as it could damage their reputation etc.
“The results indicate that sexual coercion in males relates to more socially desirable aspects of narcissism, whereas in females, these strategies are associated with socially toxic components of the construct. “ [4]
There is a common trait combination in the narcissists who do engage in coercive sex however, the combination is high entitlement as well as being high in exploitative tendencies. This means that if a narcissist tends to be exploitative and entitled, then in both men and women they have a much higher likelihood of engaging in coercive sex.
When investigating domestic violence and coercive sex charges it was found that women that have that style of narcissism have a higher chance of exhibiting coercive control over their partner and it was noted that narcissism is clinically elevated in those women that had those charges laid.
That is the extent of the research that has been completed on this topic at this point. It very much needs to be further flushed out. The author of this paper that I had read figured that when the studies are undertaken there will be a high likelihood that the Reactance Theory of Rape and Sexual Coercion (the idea that narcissists respond to rejection with a strong desire to coercively control the other person) will be supported and affirmed.
In the end, despite the acts being equally atrocious and despite the fact that there is symmetry in the occurrences of coercive when initiated be both men and women, men are disproportionately punished in comparison to women, in terms of social conscience. Society has shamed men for having it occur to them and for having done the act, but women have largely gotten a free pass on behavior that has been coming to light to be equally as bad as the males.
As a side note for clarity: Coercive sex is more than just a physical domination - it could be blackmail, it could be drugging the person, it could be anything that would make them vulnerable to someone dominating them for sex.
Footnotes