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Did The Narcissist Target You From The Start Just To Destroy You?

 

Did The Narcissist Target You From The Start Just To Destroy You?


Photo by Alex Sheldon on Unsplash

I have a bit of a different take on the narcissist relationship cycle than the typical writer which those writers tend to come from an angle that the entire relationship was planned and predatory, which just isn’t true except in a the odd case.

For the most part narcissists are completely unaware of their disorder. This is quite often a main part of the disorder in that a narcissist needs to see themselves as perfect. It’s absolutely critical to their ego that they see themselves as perfect and as such, they spend a lot of time sizing up everyone around them and looking for flaws that prove they are indeed better than this other person.

Narcissists have a natural set of blinders on to their own actions and behaviors due to this need to see themselves as perfect. They always find a way to justify the horrific things they do by shifting blame onto the other party.

This blame shift is absolutely critical for their perception of themselves. They have to see themselves as perfect so being held accountable for misdeeds simply is not in the cards.

Narcissists will use every means of defense to avoid taking blame for anything. This is because if they do end up cornered and unable to shuffle off the blame to somewhere else then having to look at their own actions is crippling to them.

They will see themselves as flawed and due to their polarized black and white thinking, if they see themselves as flawed then they are worthless garbage which, that notion can send them into a crippling suicidal depression. So to them, it literally feels like their life is at stake when you try to corner them on their behavior.

This defensive adaptation is their only way to defend themselves against a threat and threats to their ego feel like assaults on their life and they will defend themselves accordingly.

So, in a relationship when it first starts off they end up becoming infatuated with an extreme right away and they believe this feeling of infatuation is indeed what love feels like. So, they really do think of the world of you when you first get together and their infatuation and idealization blinds them to who you really are.

They create a fantasy version of you in their heads and as long as you are playing that part then everything will continue to go well. Once you tell them ‘no’ or let them down somehow though, you’ll find that good demeanor is short lived.

After they have their ego hurt you may find that you get unceremoniously dumped, dumped hard, and with a cold malevolence. Remember they feel like they are fighting for their lives, not that they’ll ever admit that.

You on the other hand end up shocked at a person that yesterday they professed their undying love to you and today they acted as though you were Hitler and were so cold and callous you never would have believed it had you not experienced it.

So, they don’t plan by staking you out with the objective of the breakup just to shatter you in a premeditated attack. On the contrary, at first they think you are their real true love.

They actually will be extremely angry with you after you create that first narcissistic injury because you aren’t the person they imagined you to be. Not being the way they imagined further lets them down and as a result of this dysregulation, they will punish you. They feel tricked and exposed by you and they may even call you a narcissist as they disappear and ghost you.

In the end, narcissists are only capable of a short shallow infatuation style love because they aren’t prepared to go any deeper. They won’t make themselves vulnerable to truly open their heart to you. So, they’ll never actually love you — but they will be infatuated with you until either the infatuation wears off or you stand your ground and hurt their ego.

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