The Reason You Were Selected by the Narcissist
One of the biggest hurdles that a victim of abuse must jump over if they are to get over their ex and move on with a happy healthy life is to realize that they had a huge hand in their abuse.
It’s hard to acknowledge that a person has a role within it, but it’s true.
No, this doesn’t excuse any of the behavior that the abuser has done. In no way does what I’m saying excuse any of it. This is also not victim blaming as no one has the right to abuse anybody; but, the fact they played a role is an important realization that all victims need to come to grips with because if they don’t then they have a very high likelihood of repeating the pattern with a new abuser.
The fact is, victims typically are not all that self aware. They may be highly in tune with all of the people in their own life but they are often not aware of the extent of their own issues.
The victim more often than not has low self esteem and low self worth issues as well as they most likely depend too much on external validation to prop themselves up with.
These characteristics themselves aren’t inherently bad, but they make it so a person is too tolerant of being mistreated and they are too forgiving when something bad is done to them.
Healthy people don’t stay in abusive relationships because the red flags in the beginning are usually enough to tell them to move on, but if the red flags get by them for some reason then the first sign of overt abuse that occurs will assuredly send them packing.
Not those with low self esteem that rely on external validation sources though. These people often will crave having a person with them so much that the idea of being alone seems unbearable. It’ll haunt them in a deep and disturbing way that can be reminiscent of despair.
The low self esteem will also make it so that they subconsciously expect to be mistreated.
Their threshold bar is way higher than it should be for the way they expect to be treated. Often the victims don’t feel like they are good enough to be in a relationship on their own so they automatically put up with too much and also supply some type of additional bonus to the abuser, such as a service or wealth.
It’s critical that victims realize their own issues that opened the door to abuse so that way they can close them and never repeat that mistake again. Doing the self work and learning to value yourself is critical to staying away from this abuser but also from ensuring you never get back together with another one again.